By Rohil Dhaliwal II
Ms. Lau called out the names. A Diego lunchbox sat in my lap. Dora wasn’t my favorite. First days at new schools are always nerve-racking, let alone the first day of school in my life. Her voice echoed through what felt like a colossal classroom. The anxiety made it hard to focus on the names.
I should pay attention. Soon these will be my friends.
“…Sophie Chase?” she called out, looking around. “Here.” “Martin Coffman?” Her eyes darted around the room. “I’m here.” “Brendan Decker?” “Here.” “Please raise your hand, Brendan,” Ms. Lau said as she searched for him. “Sorry.”
She looked up from her clipboard. “Ro… heel? D- is that right?” She said as she stared straight at me. Everyone’s eyes turned to follow hers. “Yes,” I hesitantly replied. “Are you sure, honey?” Her caring gaze looked at me through the wide brown eyes of a hawk. “Yes.” I wish she would tell me why she decided to start struggling on my name. My classmates were looking at me like the foreign object that I was – the ugly duckling with the ugly name that didn’t belong. She stared back down at her clipboard, trying her very best, but puzzled as if she couldn’t figure out the last word in a crossword. 8 Across: surname for Punjabi Bhatti Rajputs originally from Daranagar. “And how about your last name, how do you say that? Diwali?” “Da-li-wal.” “Da-li-wa-li, like that?” “Yes.”
___________________________________________________________________________
“What’s your middle name?” “I don’t have one.” “You don’t have one? But everyone has one.” He turned away from me with the perplexed look still on his face, as if he wasn’t able to fully grasp the idea of someone with only two names. “Hey, do you have a middle name?” “Yeah, of course I do. But it’s a secret.” “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.” “Okay.”
I looked down at the table. Diego grinned back at me with his plastic brown eyes. He hid the chapatis inside.
He looks like me. His hair is brown, though. Mine is black. Everyone gets his name right. I wonder if he has a middle name. Maybe he’ll tell me it.
I smiled up at them as they whispered among themselves. It was everyone now, all exchanging middle names like an inside joke. Everyone but me. One of them looked around and met my eyes for a brief second. I think. Maybe she felt bad. Maybe she was just looking for Ms. Lau. Either way I kept smiling.
___________________________________________________________________________
Lauren locked the door on her way out. She smiled sweetly as she left. Everyone else’s Amma came to pick them up but not mine. I placed my lunch box on my kitchen counter like I did everyday after school. I’ll clean it soon – before she gets home so I don’t get in trouble. The door to my room shut behind me. The colored pencils lay quietly on my desk. I took out a piece of paper and started my project. We had to draw our favorite family trip. Mine was our trip to India. It was a group project and my partner was Aaron. He had never heard of India.
Aaron McConnell. It seemed like a weird name to me but no one ever got it wrong. People laughed at me when I messed it up the first time. No one ever laughs at Ms. Lau, though. Or at themselves.
I wish I was a McConnell. Or an Aaron.
I wish I could just skip attendance. Maybe if I got to school late Amma could just sign in for me instead. But then maybe they’d hear me call her Amma when I said goodbye.
___________________________________________________________________________
“Rohil means to ascend,” Amma replied. “We got it from Menaka Gandhi’s book of names. It’s another name for Vishnu.” My bed creaked under the weight of my parents. I was light enough that the small wooden frame barely noticed my presence. “He’s the preserver, remember? We read about him in the Ramayana and the Mahabharata every night. You love those stories.”
I wasn’t fully sure what they had said and I still didn’t really know exactly what it signified. But it meant something to me, something important, something that connected who I was to Rohil. Ascend was a big word. So was culture. And identity. And race and religion and heritage. I’ll look them up sometime.
But for now, I’ll correct Ms. Lau.